Narcissists like to protect their egos. They want to look like they are the best and have the best. No doubt when they first met you, you had great self-esteem, felt confident and self-assured about your life. You came onto the narcissist’s radar as a woman to have and piqued his interest. But now he’s gone and you want to make the narcissist want you back.
During phase one, the love bombing stage, you probably felt so full of life. The narcissist came into your life, filled you with compliments, convinced you that they liked the same things, made grand gestures of love and you feel like ‘the only girl in the world’.
What’s The Difference Between Love Bombing or Genuine
The main difference between love bombing and someone being genuine is that it feels too fast.
Declarations of love within a day or two and immediately planning your future together, turning up unannounced and not respecting your privacy, all of which are passed off by the narcissist as just wanting to spend every moment with you. Whilst it feels lovely to have all that attention something niggles at you that it’s not quite right.
However the attention just feels so wonderful, so you dismiss the red flags and start to believe you’ve found your soulmate. The narcissist continues to suck you up into this love bombing phase, you feel safe, share your feelings, and most importantly to the narcissist your insecurities and fears about yourself and your life. You likely start spending lots more time with the narcissist and as a result, spend less time with friends and family. The relationship becomes all-consuming and your main focus in life.
Once the narcissist senses you are hooked, the game then really begins. You move into phase two, the gas lighting phase and the process of stripping your soul starts.
It’s important to note that the person the narcissist is showing you in phase two is the person they really are. The person you fell for in the love bombing phase is fake. It only felt so real because they were mirroring what you wanted to hear in order to suck you in.
Gas lighting is the narcissist’s best game. They love to see how far they can push you and how much you will accept. They will twist everything. Often it starts with little remarks about things they know (because you told them in phase one) that you feel self-conscious about. They will start making observations about situations you could have handled better and have you second guessing yourself.
When the gas lighting first starts you’ll probably feel outraged and want to defend yourself. This is when the narcissist throws ‘silent treatment’ into the mix. They basically freeze you out, ignore your messages and calls and leave you frantically hanging. You feel the need to explain and get more and more desperate which the narcissist loves. After a few cycles of gas lighting followed by silent treatment, you stop defending yourself and find yourself agreeing with the narcissist just for a quiet life or trying to improve the things he doesn’t like about you so he won’t complain.
Your self-esteem becomes lower and lower and you now find yourself begging for scraps of attention, anything to bring back those long lost feelings you felt during love bombing. The narcissist sees you as a pitiful mess and knows he has now won. You have become boring and needy, there is no fun left in the game. During this time he will have been secretly spending time warming up your replacement with love bombing methods and you will now be coldly discarded and replaced without warning.
How To Get A Narcissist To Miss You
Narcissists need a steady supply of people to feed their egos and make them feel valued. But the people they go for are a special sort of supply. They like people who are successful, good looking and a challenge. Like you were before they came into your life!
So the best way to get a narcissist to miss you and want you back is to reinvent yourself into an even more beautiful, sassy, sexy lady than you were before this nightmare began.
You need to find your attitude and your foxiness girl! This man might seem like your soulmate from all the love bombing he did but look at the reality. He’s put you down, traded you in like something disposable and made your life a misery. You aren’t Gretel waiting for a man’s breadcrumbs you are a gorgeous woman and deserve better. There are lots of men more good looking, more fun and richer (always helps!) than the narcissist but you need to stop obsessing over him and heal yourself.
The main reason you keep obsessing is down to trauma bonding and you can read more about this here and how to stop those destructive thoughts.
Meanwhile do not cave in or show any signs publicly of missing him. Fake it until you make it. If you’ve let yourself go with comfort eating and drinking then go and do some exercise. Get a routine going, start eating healthily. Don’t curl up! I know you want to but trust me this plan will work. Go and get your hair cut, buy some new clothes, put some makeup on and get out of the house.
Trust me when he sees the new sexy you on social media who doesn’t look like she’s missing anybody the narcissist is going to want you back.
He’ll probably initially send a quick ‘Hi’ text message just to test the water or he’ll like one of your posts, hoping his name will spark memories of him and have you running back. It’s all part of the hoover, a technique of reappearing in your life to see if he can suck you back into the game.
Do You Want The Narcissist Back?
As you are reading this article I know it’s likely that you want him back but please know that narcissist relationships always follow the same cycle.
He’s probably bored with his new girlfriend, has been checking you on social media and has seen that you are hot and worthy of some more of his charm. In fact you look so damn sexy next to his current girlfriend who he’s belittled and gas lighted so much now she’s become a needy shadow of her former self (sound familiar?).
Please remember narcissist relationships always end in discard and if you go back it will happen again. You have an amazing opportunity to give a big silent ‘f you’ by not replying.
You have the opportunity to block him out of your life forever knowing you’ve won. He wants you and can’t have you. What a shame for him! Let him rot. You have the chance to find your true love, someone who is genuine soulmate material, who doesn’t play games and isn’t fake.
What’s it going to be?