The narcissist withholding intimacy is textbook 101 narc. Narcissists don’t have any concern for the feelings of the other person in the relationship, they thrive off power and being able to pull themselves up the control ladder by pushing others down.
The narcissist loves the thrill of the chase. He’s identified that you are his next source of supply for an ego fix and he will do everything he can in his power to get you. The intensity of his efforts wow you, nobody has tried this much before so quickly! The love drugs pump around your body and you feel elated, you’ve finally met your twin flame.
Your body craves more and more of this feel-good drug and the intimacy heightens the sensations. Quite often, people in this stage of a relationship with a narcissist will say it’s the best sex they ever had. The narcissist’s technique, in reality, can be quite robotic but the love drugs feel like there’s more of a connection and your body works against you to bond even stronger.
The Narcissist Withholding Intimacy Stage
Once the narcissist sees you are hooked, the games begin and one of the narcissist’s favorite games is to withhold the intimacy that you crave so much. Narcissists like traits in others such as empathy and low self-esteem because they are able to easily manipulate. If you suffer from low self-esteem you will feel intimacy rejection far stronger.
Narcissists love to create emotional turmoil and who knows, if he withholds all intimacy for a while you might agree to try that depraved act just to feel close again.
Push And Pull
Narcissists love to test their partners through push and pull techniques. They can make you crazy by initiating a flirty situation with texts and suggestions, have you waiting for him wearing your sexiest underwear only to suddenly change his mind when he gets home, suggesting you misread the signals. You are left feeling rejected and unloved and he relishes in the power.
Narcissists enjoy controlling situations. If you are too ill for sex, they will demand it or make you suffer the consequences. When you do want sex, they will withhold it just to feel powerful. If he can see you are craving intimacy, he will make you work for his affection, making you feel like a perverted pest. Everything is under his terms.
Narcissists will often withhold intimacy because you didn’t perform properly or weren’t enthusiastic or praising enough about their sexual performance. Maybe you didn’t have your porn face on or didn’t make enough noises! And don’t dare suggest a way to improve things as it’s likely to result in a tantrum and withholding of intimacy for weeks for the mere suggestion that his technique could be improved.
Very quickly after sex has ended, the narcissist will withdraw back into their own world. Yes, he may have made you orgasm but that’s only for his own ego, to prove to himself that he’s the best. Don’t expect any post-coital affection as he’s likely to quickly jump out of bed, get dressed and be out the door to find other interesting things to do. It will feel like sex was just a tick on his ‘things to do today’ list and you will be left feeling rejected and empty inside. You are an object to him, he doesn’t care about your feelings and never will.
You are deserving of real affection but sadly you will never get this from a narcissist. Narcissists are exciting, engaging and fun on the surface. They are risk-takers and attract attention due to their lack of inhibitions. But you have seen under the surface. Your mind created the love drugs that created the intimacy intensity, the narcissist didn’t do anything special for you.
The best thing you can do is ditch the narcissist before he discards you, because he will, its only a matter of time. Run as far as you can away from this entitled loser, heal then find a new partner where real love can blossom and intimacy is caring and honest and felt by both partners equally.