You’ve probably suspected that this isn’t a normal love relationship for a while, the curve balls, the lies, the gas lighting. Quite often the first time you even hint at exposing the narcissist, the counter-attack is so emotionally draining that you choose not to say anything about his behavior for a while.
The Narcissist Fake Persona
The narcissist spends a lot of time creating a fake persona. They love to be admired and envied. It’s like waking up with an empty car every morning, they have to have a constant stream of admiration and attention to fill their tank just so they can function and feel normal.
Love Bombing Attachment Phase
During phase one, the narcissist is likely to have spent a lot of time and effort trying to make you feel special, like a twin flame.
Dependent on the person, occasionally, rather than love bombing they will make you work for their love, then congratulate you and make you feel special for having passed their tests ‘that not many girls achieve’, again the aim being to make you feel special and desirable.
The latter option works very well with codependent personalities who struggle to feel lovable anyway and so this treatment feels normal. Either way, you are made to feel special and in both cases open up and share fears and secrets, all of which the narcissist commits to memory.
Narcissist Testing Phase
The highs created during phase one cause a strong attachment to form, then when the narcissist moves into phase two, the testing phase, you are thrown off guard. The narcissist will change behavior and become cold, uncaring, ignore you, cancel meetups and may try to make you jealous by openly flirting with other women. There will be intermittent flashes of phase one praise mixed in with phase two behavior and this causes your head to spin.
As frustrations rise, the temptation to expose them as a cheat, liar, all-round fake person is so high but if you try you will soon realize you are no match for the narcissist.
So What Happens When A Narcissist Is Exposed?
The main thing to remember when considering exposing the narcissist is that he doesn’t care what you think and most people around him are disposable anyway. Narcissists don’t have empathy and don’t have feelings in the same way as normal people. It’s very hard to hurt them.
What is likely to happen if you try to expose a narcissist is that they will make you out to be the crazy person. They will use anything to back this up, secrets you shared during phase one will be used as evidence and you are likely to lose friends and come out worst.
The Pre Exposure Discard
A lot of relationships with a narcissist don’t get near to exposure though. The narcissist is an excellent reader of people and will have likely picked up signs that you are on to him. Any attempt to discuss their behavior is likely to first start with silent treatment and if you haven’t learned your lesson will highly likely result in you being discarded without warning.
The Narcissist will now simply move onto their next source of supply, who they’ve probably been warming up whilst still with you and the cycle begins again. Heartache and anger may have you feeling like you want to tell the new girlfriend what a piece of work he is but it would be futile. She is so loved up with all the love-bombing that she won’t listen and besides, the narcissist has already warned her about how crazy you are. You are just a sad bitter ex-girlfriend.
If You Are Thinking Of Exposing A Narcissist
Remember attempting to expose a narcissist to those around him will result in him either:
- Ruining your reputation and making you look like the crazy one. The narcissist always wears his fake mask in public and is careful not to let people see underneath. Narcissists in public are usually exciting, fun and likable and your accusations will seem so far fetched from the person they know that you are unlikely to be believed, especially if the narcissist lets slip some of your undesirable secrets.
- The other option the narcissist may take is to just up and leave, to tell everyone he ended it with you but that you are bitter and making his life a misery. To your dismay, you may even find people you thought were your friends rallying around to help him escape you and set up his new life.
Please remember you can never stop a narcissist. Even if you expose them, they will never change. Instead of thinking about what happens when a narcissist is exposed and considering whether you should blow their cover, be thankful you saw him for what he is. Let him go quietly, keep your dignity and secrets and work on healing yourself. It isn’t your responsibility to rid the world of narcissism, leave that to karma.
Narcissists are hollow souls who will one day lose their looks, lose their ability to easily attract women and people will see them for the sad, pathetic shells they are.
Meanwhile you can heal, move on with your life and use the experience to make you stronger. You have a beautiful soul, something the narcissist will never know.